Weekly World News alert: Alien skull found at Great Pyramid... and it speaks!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Sate: 24 Oct. 2011

The Weekly World News loves them some alien skulls. The last one was found on the White House lawn, but this latest on was found at the Great Pyramid AND it speaks!

So I think this one wins.

Weekly World News alert: Al Gore missing in Amazon rain forest!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! As I have written many times before, I love the Weekly World News, but it is like being a fan of a once mighty dynasty that has fallen on hard times. I keep hoping they with come up with another "Bat Boy Found In Cave!" and week after week they disappoint. But this week, if anyone at that publication has a lick of sense, I think they have invented a running gag with real potential.

Al Gore is missing in the Amazon rain forest.

Just to make things clear, I don't "believe in global warming" any more than I "believe in gravity". These are scientific facts and my belief system don't enter into it. As for humans contributing to global warming, I have a hard time thinking it is otherwise.

But really, think about it! Every four to six weeks, Al Gore gets himself into another predicament in some endangered habitat! This would be HIGH-larious!

Example: Al Gore stranded on Arctic ice flow, drifting out to sea!

Try it yourself! Honestly, these things damn near write themselves.

I only hope someone at the Weekly World News has figured this out as well.

Who knows? Maybe they Google themselves from time to time and stumble upon this blog. Here's hoping.

Weekly World News alert: U.S. soliders ordered to stop breaking wind.

Publication: Weekly World News
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

The Weekly World News throws a curveball this week and reports a story actually covered in magazines that have fact checkers and editorial standards. Marines in Afghanistan have been ordered not to fart audibly in the presence of Afghan allies, who find the practice offensive.

Yes, true story in the Weekly World News. Makes you re-think your opinion of the two-headed Bigfoot shot dead on the White House lawn, doesn't it?

Okay, so maybe not.

I don't know if the military can actually create a breed of non-farting soldier. If so, it will rank right up there with the scientific effort it took to turn Steve Rogers into Captain America.

Weekly World News alert: Hillary served monkey brains at Brunei state banquet.

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

I am at a loss for further comment.

Weekly World News alert: O.J.'s hush-hush prison wedding!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

The Sun didn't have a useful headline this week, but it was close. It said Nostradamus had predictions for 2012, but it gave nothing specific on the cover and I don't open these magazines up.

On the other hand, the Weekly World News did have a headline worth reporting, a story about O.J. Simpson's "hush-hush" wedding inside prison. The sub-headline reads "You'll never guess who the bride is!"

Again, I didn't open the magazine up, but factoring in that it's reported in the Weekly World News, my guess would be the bride is O.J.

Weekly World News alert: Five injured as greedy squirrel explodes.

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

As a long time fan of the Weekly World News, I hope to see them return to their glory days.

As a Bay Area football fan, I feel much the same about the 49ers and the Raiders.

What the WWN needs is another great recurring character like Bat Boy back in the 1980's or the alien that endorses presidential candidates from the 1990s, a character used to this day.

The exploding greedy squirrel, alas, will not be that character.

As for what the Raiders and 49ers need, it's probably new ownership.

Also alas.

Weekly World News alert: How to make yourself invisible - just like Harry Potter!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 12 Sept. 2011

Here is a story that shakes my faith and understanding of the universe. The Weekly World News has published a story that you can make yourself invisible like Harry Potter, which would mean some sort of invisibility cloak.

What rocks the foundations of my understanding is that this story actually has a grain of truth in in and has been reported in the legitimate U.K. publication the Telegraph.

This particular scientific advancement, while extraordinary, does not seem completely impossible to me. What I thought could never happen is the Weekly World News would print a story with a grain of truth in it.

Strange days indeed.

Weekly World News alert: Woman gives birth to alien baby.

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



The Weekly World News tells us this week that a woman has given birth to an alien baby after a Close Encounter of the Hubba Hubba Kind. The Weekly World News needs a new recurring character, especially since Bat Boy is now Bat Middle Aged Guy With A Beer Belly.

Weekly World News alert: Goliath was a midget!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)

Date: 29 August 2011



The Sun did predict the End of the World again this week (black hole this time), but no date given so it doesn't get a Skeeter Davis alert. On the other Hand, the Sun's Siamese twin the Weekly World News has the story of some Bible scholar who says David's nemesis Goliath was a midget.

Weekly World News alert: Multi-marrying gals form Mor-Woman church!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)

Date: 22 August 2011



The Weekly World News makes up a cute story about some women who practice polyandry and have decided to call their religion the Mor-woman Church.



Note: this picture of Miss Betty White has been included just because it was my favorite picture of a woman being waited on hand and foot I could find on the Web. She is not mentioned in the phony baloney story.

Weekly World News alert: New 'Frisco bridge made in China!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)

Date: 15 August 2011



The Weekly World News prints a true story on the cover for a change, that parts of the new eastern span of the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge are made in China and shipped here.

Weekly World News alert: Alien backs Michele Bachmann for President!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 8 August 2011

Weekly World News brings back the politically astute Space Alien who endorses presidential candidates. The being from another planet is backing Michele Bachmann for president in 2012. The alien has a pretty good track record, endorsing Clinton in 1992 and Bush in 2000, but it should not be forgotten the alien first backed Ross Perot and then changed his mind, so a Bachmann presidency is not a done deal, thank Odin, Vishnu and the little baby Jebus.

Weekly World News alert: Strange new pet... CatDog!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 1 August 2011

The Weekly World News is trying to work the old magic with a pretty lame photoshop of a CatDog.

I saw this cartoon. It kinda sucked. I mean, it's no Invader Zim.

Weekly World News alert: CIA's new weapon against terror: Ellen's cupcakes!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 18 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! This headline was almost good enough to make me open the magazine. The CIA is fighting terror using Ellen DeGeneres' cupcakes!

I looked online and, wonder of wonders, this story is almost true! It's actually MI6, the British intelligence agency, who replaced a sugar-based bomb instruction set with Ms. DeGeneres's cupcake recipe.

OMG, the Weekly World News almost tells the whole truth. I have to re-think all my pre-conceptions about Batboy and the alien who endorses presidential candidates now.