Demon Rum Alert™: Camilla's drunken tirade stuns queen

Publication: Globe
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

It's too bad that the popular Camilla in the tabloids is Camilla Parker-Bowles and not Camilla Belle. She really is cute as a bug's ear.

But since the publication date of this week's tabloids is Halloween, it's only fair we get a story about this old bat. Camilla once again got drunk, once again said nasty things about Kate and this time she stunned the queen, who should kinda sorta be used to drunks saying stupid things by now, given her family history.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™ and Bun in the Oven Alert: Kate crushes Camilla... and, oh yeah, she's gonna have a baby.

Publication: Globe
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Once again, Kate and Camilla are at each others' throat and allegedly, the younger, taller, more fit competitor has won this round. Apparently, all Kate had to say is "Go to hell, Camilla!" and by Buckingham Palace rules, she wins!

And, as an aside at the end, the Globe lets us know the date Wills'N'Kate have set aside for the royal heir to be born.

Meanest story nominee: William orders Charles to dump Camilla now!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

In the tabloids, the Camilla Parker-Bowles of 2011 is not so much a human being as a robot programmed to attack her daughter-in-law Kate Middleton. (I know I should stop calling her by her maiden name, but I really haven't got quite used to Duchess Catherine yet.) In any case, Wills has told jug-eared Chuck that he has to get rid of her NOW.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Camilla storms out after bitter fight with Kate!

Publication: Globe
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Kate Middleton is neither the queen of Great Britain or the queen of the gossip rags just yet, but she's making a good run at it. This week, the Globe says wicked step-mother Camilla Parker-Bowles has had it up to here and will not accept Kate as queen, as if she has a choice. The headline continues with Camilla fleeing to America and demanding $20 million home here.

I'm not buying it. Not the story and obviously not the house.

On the rocks alert: Charles and Camilla split!

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! The low rent Examiner says that Charles and Camilla have split after she said something untoward about Kate. He is supposed to be residing the Castle of Mey, while she is in the Ray Mill house.



Being rich makes this sort of thing much easier, n'est-ce pas?

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Queen orders Camilla to stop bullying Kate!

Publication: Globe
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Sorry for the weird picture. I was trying to find a shot of all three of the women in this story, Liz Windsor, Camilla Parker-Bee-otch and Long Tall Katy all together at once and this is the best I could do.

So, the Queen herself has stomped her mighty hoof and asked for the end of the alleged Camilla-Kate unpleasantness.

Though honestly, let's be fair. if Buckingham Palace, the very old building with the very sensitive feelings, wants to end the Camilla unpleasantness once and for all, it might take a high speed paparazzi chase in a Paris tunnel, if you know what I mean.

We gotta collpser! Camilla's nervous breakdown.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 1 August 2011

The low rent Examiner tells us the Camilla Parker-Bowles is once again upset, or continues to be upset. If we accept the view of the Globe and the low rent Examiner, she's always in a bad mood about something. In any case, here are this week's headlines.

• She collapses in jealous fit over Kate
• "They love her! They hate me!"
  
  

I created a new label this week, "we gotta collapser" specifically for the stories in which people collpse. I went back and re-labeled stories in which variations of the word are used, and this one will be the 23rd time. As you might expect, women do more collapsing than men, delicate little flowers that they are, and while women of child bearing age get more cover stories than older women do by far, about half of the collapsing stories are about women past the age of menopause. For example, this is the third collapse in a year and a half for Camilla, so she's averaging about one every six months.