Bun in the oven alert™: The OFFICIAL story about Wills'N'Kate's first kid.

Publication: Globe
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The screaming headline on the cover of the Globe states IT'S OFFICIAL when obviously it's not, but their story is that Kate Middleton is definitely pregnant and it's definitely a girl. Here are the rest of the headlines.

• Kate's having baby girl!
• Palace uproar: Royals want male heir
• William building $1m pink nursery here (Buckingham Palace)
  

Bun in the oven alert™: Jen's baby bump.

Publication: OK!
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, is trying to get America's Spinster Jennifer Aniston pregnant. This week's headline reads:

Jen: her baby bump gets bigger

The story has already been denied.

Who is pregnant and who is just fat!

Publication: OK!
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

OK! is one of the mags who is claiming Jessica Simpson is pregnant, and they had a sub-headline this week stating "Who is pregnant and who is just fat!" The three women on the cover were Christina Aguilera, Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas and Holly Madison, pictured above.

Bun in the oven alert™: More rumors about Jessica Simpson. Including the gender of the as yet unconfirmed child.

Publications: In Touch, OK!
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

The rumors about Jessica Simpson being pregnant started three weeks ago. Now there are more stories, including the original reporter (or fabricator) of the story In Touch saying they know the gender. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Jessica Simpson: Yes, I'm having a baby
  Jessica silences her weight critics by finally revealing her big news!
• In Touch: Jessica baby joy!
  It's a girl!

There has still been no confirmation from Jessica's representatives.

Demon Drugs and bun in the oven alert™: Amanda Knox heavy with child and hopped up on goofballs.

Publications: National Enquirer, Star
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Two stories about the newly freed Amanda Knox, with the Enquirer being much meaner than the Star. Here are the headlines.

• National Enquirer: Amanda Knox drug deal exposed!
  What really happened on night of murder
  Plus her bombshell baby secret!
• Star: Exclusive!
  a baby for Amanda Knox

It's always fun to see the "Exclusive!" headline on a story other mags are also talking about.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Bun In The Oven Alert™: Jessica pregnant bride!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Jessica Simpson is not a supermarket rag superstar. This will be her 13th cover story this year, mostly about her marrying the wrong guy and having struggles with her weight. For the second week in a row, the two stories intertwine with the rumors that this time, her struggle with weight is because she is heavy with child. She has not confirmed or denied this latest flurry yet.

Bun in the oven alert™: Wills'N'Kate decide when their baby will be born!

Publications: OK!, In Touch
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

The Globe had it as a throwaway sub-headline, but OK! and In Touch think it's worth a story on its own. Wills'N'Kate have set a date for the birth of their baby. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: William and Kate talk the royal baby!
• In Touch: Kate a baby in June

Okay, we just started October, so nine months from now is early July. Is she like two weeks pregnant? There hasn't been any official confirmation, and it's really hard to set an exact date this far out, so I'm going to give both In Touch and OK! a fail label for this one.

I'll take it back if I'm wrong.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™ and Bun in the Oven Alert: Kate crushes Camilla... and, oh yeah, she's gonna have a baby.

Publication: Globe
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Once again, Kate and Camilla are at each others' throat and allegedly, the younger, taller, more fit competitor has won this round. Apparently, all Kate had to say is "Go to hell, Camilla!" and by Buckingham Palace rules, she wins!

And, as an aside at the end, the Globe lets us know the date Wills'N'Kate have set aside for the royal heir to be born.

Bun in the oven alert™: New pictures prove Jen is pregnant!

Publication: OK!
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Jennifer Aniston is definitely a star of the gossip rags. As it is with BrAngelina, so has it come to pass with her. She doesn't actually have to do anything, she only has to exist and they will be glad to make up crap about her. This week it's OK!, the nicest of the gossip rags if not the most reliable, saying they have photographic proof she is heavy with child.

• bigger boobs
• telltale bump
• curvier booty!
• 'This is the happiest I've ever been!'
• PLUS Why Justin will be a great dad!
  

The story has already been denied.

Bun in the oven alert™: Kim's big news!

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, says Kim Kardashian is in the family way and includes her husband in the picture on the cover, just in case readers might be confused about the paternity. Here are the headlines.

• It's baby time!
• The secret she can no longer keep: Her first child is on the way!
• (showing already)
  

I have seen neither denial or confirmation of these latest rumors.

Bun in the oven alert™: Jessica Simpson is pregnant!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 10 Oct 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Jessica Simpson, she of the big eyes, white teeth, large breasts and small brain, is supposed to be pregnant. In Touch has this story exclusively and adds the details of "kooky cravings and a $14,500 crib" in the sub-headline.

She was also supposed to be pregnant back last December, which accounted for her hurry to get married.

Note that it will be October this weekend, she is not married and so far, she has confirmed no pregnancy.

On the Rocks alert and Bun In The Oven Alert™: Jay-Z's secret love child.

Publication: Star

Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Jay-Z!  While his bride Beyoncé get mentioned on the cover of a supermarket rag every two months or so on average, This is the multi-platinum rapper's first story in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

 

And it's not an auspicious beginning. In an exclusive story, Star says Jay-Z is the father of a love child and this is a "shock" for his newly pregnant wife.

Bun in the oven alert™: A baby for Carrie Underwood!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

There have been several rumors about Carrie Underwood being pregnant since her wedding in July 2010, the last flurry of such stories showing up in January. It isn't surprising to get a pregnancy rumor in the supermarket rags, one for which I can find neither confirmation or denial, and since she's married for over a year, there's no scandal attached. What is surprising is that this relatively nice headline shows up in the nasty National Enquirer.

Bun in the oven alert™: Which Kardashian is pregnant?

Publication: OK!
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Since the beginning of 2010, the Kardashian sisters have had a total of zero babies. This has not stopped The Only Ten Magazines That Matter from telling us Kim or Kourtney or Khloe was pregnant, each of them multiple times. And pile on top of that record of unreliability the fact that this report is from the very nice but very unreliable OK!, there is a very good chance that whatever one they say is pregnant actually isn't.

Bun In The Oven Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert: Inside Rebecca and McSteamy's private lives.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart are not a popular gossip couple. They got a cover story May of last year that was about their new baby daughter. According to Weekly Life & Style, they are keeping separate households and Gayheart is "pregnant and alone". The magazine identifies Dane as "McSteamy", a nickname given to him when he was on Grey's Anatomy, along with the actors known as McDreamy, McDopey, McGrumpy, McHappy, McBashful and McSleepy.

Notice that none of them was nicknamed McDoc.

Bun in the oven alert™: Kate pregnant with twins!

Publication: Star
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

The Star goes for the whole enchilada with a story that the former Kate Middleton is not only pregnant, but pregnant with twins. Here are the headlines.

• Kate pregnant with twins
• The official announcement
• A boy and a girl
• Now she's struggling to gain weight
• Wills'N'Kate overjoyed
  
  

The only thing official about this story is that it's been officially denied already.

Annoying label bookkeeping for Sandra and Ryan stories for 19 Sept.

A link to the stories listed above, with an obligatory picture of Scarlett Johansson.

Bun in the oven alert™: Maci Bookout expecting a second kid.

Publication: In Touch

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



We got a week's respite from Teen Mom last week, but of course that didn't last. According to In Touch, Maci Bookout is pregnant with Baby #2. She is now 20, so technically no longer a Teen Mom.

OK! features Kim'n'Kris AND Jen and Justin on the cover in a compare and contrast.

Publication: OK!

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, combines two popular stories this week into a compare and contrast, with the real connection being that both Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Aniston are moving into new homes. Here are the headlines.

• New homes for new babies!
  
  
• Who's homesick
• Who wants a bigger closet
• Who will have the best nursery

Of course, neither woman has yet confirmed a pregnancy, but that never stops OK!

Bells Done Rung™ and Bun In The Oven Alert™: The Kim Kardashian honeymoon stories

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Now that they have actually gone down the aisle, it seems fitting that a new label be created for Kim'n'Kris. The stories about their short Italian honeymoon fill the covers of three supermarket rags this week. Here are the two of the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: (world exclusive) Honeymoon baby!
  
  Kim's spotted buying two pregnancy tests in Italy
  
  Cravings, fatigue and a growing bump
  
  she confirms to L&S "I CAN'T WAIT!"
• Us Weekly: (exclusive) Kim's honeymoon album
  
  "We want to start a family!"
  
  Kim shares her big news and personal stories from their Italian getaway
  
  All the photos!